Little Dancing Dog & Cleaning House

The dust is flying, vacuums are sucking, closets are emptying. It’s the annual After Christmas Fire Sale! Goodwill here we come!

Joan is on a Holy Quest to seek out places to store the loot the fat guy in the red suit dumped in our den early Tuesday morning. And just like the new year it’s out with the old and in with the new. Watch it, Gretchen…I heard that snicker about “out with the old.” Joan’s too busy making trips to the garage with arm loads of old toys to check out the hunks running down the sidewalk in their new jogging outfits.

So while we track down and destroy all of the dust bunnies running for their little lint lives “we have a very big shoe for you tonight! (he says in his bad Ed Sullivan voice)” For your bloggy enjoyment, I give you Blaze, the Dancing Latino Pup!

Musings & Meanderings: Saying Farewell to Blogger

The photo is a shot taken by Jessie last weekend. It is unfortunate that I have to say that she has given me permission to post her photos on this blog hosted by Blogger. We woke up this morning to find that her pictures from her trip to Biltmore Estate were deleted.

This was not the first time that an original photo has been removed by Blogger. Of all people I understand copyright laws more than most. Had people at Blogger actually read the post they would know that Jessie is a pre-teen and therefore I serve as her guardian (being her father I think that qualifies me as such).

It was a pain in the ass to reload those images but I love my girl and want the world to see her work. I don’t quite understand their reasoning but it was enough to push us over the brink. We are now searching for another host for our blog and we encourage your input as fellow bloggers.

I realize that we’ve received a free service and it is appreciated. But the time has come to move on. In the next few days expect some changes at our site.

We count on our host to at least contact us before deleting images. They should’ve at least e-mailed us to ask us if they belonged to us before removing them. It is not like we are serving up pornography here as I’ve discovered at other blogs hosted by Blogger which specifically says that they don’t allow.

I would’ve like to have discussed this with a representative of the host but that is like trying to find a needle in a field of haystacks. Call me old school but if I have a complaint I want to share it with an individual or at least share it with a contact listed on their site. Trust me, you won’t find one.

Should this post or the blog disappear overnight keep searching. We’re going to turn up again very shortly. There is still a great deal of living to live, a great amount of joy to share, and I’ve got a bunch of paintings to finish.

Christmas All Wrapped Up

Actually we follow our Anglican tradition of celebrating Christmas up until the Epiphany (January 5th). For the most part the presents have been distributed and opened but for us that is not what the holiday is about. And despite all of us including Ben having a nasty cold this has been the most enjoyable Noel since our son arrived into this world.

In a sense the past few days have represented a new birth for me, Joan, Jessie, and Ben. The aches, coughing, runny noses, and endless doses of Motrin haven’t robbed us of our joy. On the contrary, we’ve been reluctant to venture out much because of the cold symptoms and have instead spent a great deal of family time together! And oh what fun we’ve had.

I spent most of Christmas Eve cooking while Ben watched and encouraged me the whole time. We both had so much fun interacting with one another. Ben got to smell and taste the foods as we prepared the feast. He even helped crush up some cornbread for our dressing!

So despite a good deal of napping in between activities Ben honestly participated more this year than ever. And I can see Jessie maturing into a young lady as she displays manners, humor, and interaction with others in ways that her peers do not. That is a blessing and curse at the same time.

I am also convinced The First Day of Christmas ended with another visit from an angel or a loved one. Joan thinks it was my father. I just know that seeing it occur in a lighted room it was not a seizure. Enjoy the following memories of the last two days…

Ben inspects the turkey before we put Tom in the oven.

Later in the afternoon Ben is checking to make sure water doesn’t boil over the edge of a pot.

Me-Ma surprised Ben with a real Boston Red Sox jersey – not a replica – the 2007 World Series version! Above Average Joe and Rubenesque Writer will be jealous!

Lightening McQueen pajamas!

Ben’s favorite toy was this red plush sports car.

Jessie is thrilled with her gift from Aunt Sheri. She always is.
My Cajun sister-in-law knows fashion.

Ben shows off his blinking Santa hat and his new jersey for his other grandmother.

Ben pretty much only allows Jessie to help him open his gifts. Seriously.

On the Palette…
Christmas Time is Here

Hunter Green: Just like the arrival of colder weather, gray skies, and the jolly fat guy in the sleigh we welcome the 2007 holiday virus. We started Ben’s “sick plan” yesterday afternoon which mainly involves increased nebulizer treatments. It’s the same cold that has made Joan and Jessie miserable for about two weeks now.

I have to say that Ben certainly is much stronger than in years past. In the brief time it took me to complete that first paragraph I had to walk downstairs three times to suction Ben’s trache. All three times he had already cleared the phlegm. If we can control the coughing and which will allow him to rest we won’t be so worried.

It is so funny how much he wants my attention until he feels rotten. He’s literally clung to Joan since she got home from work Friday night. According to his mother, typical little man.

Mulberry: Injury report (for the football fans). This Sunday I’m listed as “probable.” This is quite an accomplishment for me since I injured my back last Sunday. At the end of last weekend I was on the “doubtful” list.

Although I’ve had a sore aching back in the past I’ve never had it do what it did a week ago today. After cleaning our den and kitchen I was returning a few items to the kids’ rooms when it felt like a small claw reached up from behind me, grabbed just above my hip bone, and then try to yank me to my knees. No lie, it literally brought tears to my eyes. I know some of you have to have had a similar experience. Two or three days of not being able to sit, stand, sleep, or even breath without severe pain.

As it it turns out once again having an exceptional child had its benefit. I took the advice of Ben’s physical therapist Thursday at his appointment and the results have been dramatic! If you get a chance to read this before our next visit, thanks Jessica!

Cranberry Red: Despite Ben’s cold we’ve had a great family weekend. Friday night Jessie spent the night with my mother. Joan and I stayed up until almost four in the morning watching movies. The weird thing was that we felt like teenagers on a date. We didn’t even have to fight sleep….until Jessie called yesterday morning around 10. Then we felt old again.

Today is cooking day. Me and Jessie are starting preparation of our Christmas Eve turkey dinner with my mom. She’ll fly our Christmas morning and be in Baton Rouge in time to watch our Cajun niece and nephew open their gifts. Fun stuff, people. Fun stuff!

We hope you are enjoying time with your family as well this weekend. Greet everybody warmly, hug your loved ones, and relax in the warmth of joy and peace.

Tears In Heaven

Our hearts are broken today. This kind of thing should never happen especially during a season expecting the arrival of the Christ child. Instead Heaven has welcomed with open arms the arrival of a new saint. Jake Apple now walks hand in hand with his Friend and Saviour but his prescense here on Earth will be missed by his mother, father, brother, and sisters until they are all reunited one day.

Tiny Dancer…
Natural Photographer

I’ve believed for a long while now that I’ve passed on my creative spirit to both my children. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time you know a great deal about Ben’s endeavors into painting and drawing. His creativity has also manifested itself in so many different ways as he grows, matures, and discovers ways in which he can involve himself within the “normal” world.

Our daughter Jessie has also shown an ability to work creatively. Her obvious passion in the arts is dance. I’ve mentioned on several occasions how talented Jessie is and that she is now in her second year of competition with her dance company. It is a marvel and a joy to see her commitment to her art. Not only is she diligent with her physical preparation but she spends a great deal of her free time reviewing videos of her performances, those of her peers, and her elders. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this level of maturity from young person two weeks shy of their eleventh birthday.

Jessie is also a very good writer for her age. Those are not just words from a proud parent but what we have been told from her teachers going back to second grade. She is an avid reader. Her book bag is always loaded down with books she has checked out from the library. Of course she watches the typical television fare of her peers (Hannah Montana, High School Musical, Zoey 101…oops…she won’t be watching that any longer) but she also enjoys films that have complicated scenarios and through-lines like Castaway and Remains of the Day.

As far as her visual art talent goes, her mother and I have had differing opinions. At a very early age I taught her to fill her drawing pages from corner to corner and to be bold with color (duh). She learned about perspective around the age of 5 and somehow grasped the idea of using planes to create depth just like Cezanne (I’d like to think she picked that up from me). But all in all painting or drawing is essentially something she does for fun and that’s just fine with me. I want my daughter to experience all she can so she will be all she wants.

Jessie has for some reason always been fascinated with the camera. She received a cheap digital camera a few years back but became bored with it very quickly. She then inherited our first “real” digital camera after we bought the very nice one that we currently use.

Yesterday Jessie was invited to join her local cousins on a trip to The Biltmore House & Gardens. She asked Joan for permission to take our good camera along with her but needed a second from yours truly. To shorten a long story, the old camera is not working properly so I let her take the good one with her as long as she followed careful instructions: mainly the camera had better return safe, sound, and in working condition. In my book this was a HUGE maturity test. Let me just say that she passed with flying colors.

When I downloaded her images I was immediately struck by two things: the sheer volume of photographs she took and how well she knew the camera’s functions. When I reviewed her work I was completely blown away. This has been a difficult week for me for a variety of reasons. Had I retrieved the images last night when she got home I probably wouldn’t have been so down in the dumps. Let’s just say I received an early Christmas present today.

The following photographs are Jessie’s. The only one that I cropped was the one above and that was so that it would look nice along with the header. The rest are uncropped (Jessie’s own composition) and her visual retouching. Let me also add that I could easily add about a dozen more that are much like these. This was an incredibly rewarding father & daughter project. Honest to God I wish I had the natural ability that Jessie is now demonstrating. Enjoy Jessie’s Christmas card to the Blogosphere.

SPECIAL MESSAGE TO BLOGGER: I have expressed consent from my daughter to publish these. Since she is 10 years old and with me being her parent/guardian I don’t appreciate your removing these photos from our blog without consulting me. This is not the first time this has happened but it’ll be the last time.

Blogged by Ben

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are having a wonderful holiday season spent with family and loved ones all around you. As you can see, I had one of our loved ones curled up under my legs for our afternoon nap today. Layla has been my furry friend the past few weeks. Mom thinks I’m a kitten substitute. I would say that I make a pretty big kitten!

Our school holiday break begins Thursday and I’m very certain all of my teachers, therapists, and administrators are very pleased with my progress this year! Me and Nurse Lisa have missed very little school – none of those days were missed due to illness! We are more than thrilled about that.

Miss Lisa went to Disney World for Thanksgiving. She brought me and Jessie autographed photos along with a stuffed Mickey & Minnie Mouse! Mickey has been my sleeping buddy ever since.

It is good to talk with you, my friends. I just wanted to pass along how healthy and strong I’ve been! I’m real tickled by Dad being around the house these days. Everyone has taken notice that I’m happier and more vocal now that he’s home for several months. We’re planning on having a big time over the next two or three weeks and we hope you do the same.

Cold Rainy Days, A Bottle of Wine, and a Site Meter

I knew it. We Southerners would be paying for the Spring-like weather we’ve enjoyed the first two weeks of December. Add in the mild November and we now have the typical recipe for cold rain over the next few weeks.

We can’t complain too much since the Southeast is in desperate need of water. Not ice but water. Sorry Midwesterners. Enjoy your white Christmas by staying off the roads and shopping while all those after Christmas sales are taking place.

So being trapped inside all day I decided to check the old site meter. In all honesty I’m a bit disappointed with the results over the past few weeks. Evidently the sickos have gotten into the holiday spirit and camouflaged their sicko searches with stuff like “Ben & Bennie Waddell” or “Pallister Killian Syndrome” and even “father and son artwork.” That’s nothing like the usual collection of assorted interesting sick entries typed into Google like “naked man to man combat” or “furnace go good in butt crack” or “smell this – do you think it’s infected.”

But the month brought about a few nice hits that I’m willing to share with you now. Be not disappointed and be sure I’ll be paying closer attention to those searches over the next two months.

• “find inflatable Santa in convertible Canadian stores” – I really don’t know what to make of this one. Do Canadians have convertible stores? Perhaps the store roofs retract during the summer month (get it…month) and folks that eat back bacon shop under the sunlight those four weeks? Or are we talking automobile? I honestly thought the weather really sucked up there and convertibles were like scarce. Or is this something sexual like as an inflatable Santa complete with special toy sack? It’ll be scary indeed if I find out that Santa is convertible and goes both ways.

• “Cracker Barrel restaurant Thanksgiving 2007 Greensboro, NC” – Sorry I missed y’all. Instead you would’ve found me at the Waffle House where the floor-plans are all the same and the folks behind the counter make me wonder why I actually ordered food. Set-up went rather long that day and given the three-hour drive I just couldn’t make it. Please know that I had PLENTY of turkey. It was called the Christmas Craftsman Classic.

• “shaved cat don’t recognize” – Sorry kitty. You are now cold, ugly, and nobody wants you. Why did my first wife just come to mind?

• “redneck martini” – My buddy Freebird (no that’s not his real name – his real name is Cletus) swears by his recipe. Find you some homemade liquor (some call it moonshine around these here parts), fill the jar with blackberries, a quarter cup of sugar, and let sit for 6 months to a year. Serve over ice when “ripe.” I have a cheaper version that works just as well. Go to your garage and find a shovel. Hand said garden implement to a friend or spouse. Put a hand-full of blackberries in your mouth. Have friend or spouse smack you in the back of the head with said garden implement. You’ll have the same effect but less of a hangover.

• “Redneck Dildo Fish” – This an interesting game fish found only in the South. A special lure is involved called The Wedding Tackle. Generally speaking this fish is caught when The Wedding Tackle doesn’t quite do the trick. I’ve never caught one myself butt very few males “mount these.” This is a very popular fish caught usually while husbands are on a fishing or hunting trip with their buddies. Said male spouse returns home to a smiling female spouse and wonders why she laughs when he tells her that the big one got away.

My glass is half-empty now and I’d like to think of it as all the way full so if you’ll excuse me I’ll be headed to the kitchen now. I’m just wondering why Joan is in such a good mood tonight after I told her that I’m camping with the boys New Years weekend…

The Sad Part

Every artist will tell you that at the close of most outdoor shows there are plenty of folks down on their luck willing and actually wanting to help us pack our gear and carry it to our van, trailer, or truck. Sometimes they have vests labeling theme as porters and sometimes not, like in Savannah. Most of the time they are black men. Not always but in my experience they are the majority.

At Myrtle Beach and Savannah they are most prevalent. Tip them 10 or 20 bucks and you are packed up and on your way home while some of the other artisans are still breaking down. They are generally very trustworthy individuals because their reputations are at stake given that they rely on our cash to get them into the next week.

Back in November I noticed a black man reading a book on a bench. I couldn’t quite see the name of the book as I passed him by but I did notice the book belonged to the Savannah Public Library. I saw him again the first week of December. He offered his manpower but given my disappointing weekend I told him I was fine to fend for myself.

I’ve been thinking about that man ever since. I wonder where he will spend his Christmas. I wonder if he has family somewhere. I wonder about why he was there in the first place and why a man, who presumably checks out books at a library, would be in a situation that he needs cash from an artisan doing a one-day show.

There are times that you see situations where you can make a swift judgment. There are also times when judgments aren’t so clear and the “wonder factor” kicks into gear. I’ve wondered how a man that reads for leisure can sit on the beautiful waterfront of Savannah and not take it in. Is it because someone failed him? Is the beauty lost due to a deep bitterness? Is he waiting for something new to fill his soul?

I don’t know but I care. The man probably feels like I do half the time – that I’m not the man I am supposed to be. It is a terrible curse and should be explored at some point. Until he is ready I hope to pass along another 5, or 10, or better yet, something that will make him feel more like the man he should be.

Silent Night
or at Least Turn the Volume Down!

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a “top ten” list and in reality this is more like a “bottom ten” list. I think. Before I confuse myself more than I do on an ordinary basis let me get to the point.

After three straight weekends of listening to non-stop holiday music to wrap up my show season and another seven days of recuperation, I can finally manage to tune the van radio to one of those stations that’s been playing Christmas carols since July 4th.

Before you label me a Grinch or a Scrooge I must ask you if you’ve ever worked in retail before? If you have you know what I’m talking about. After 8 to 12 hours on your feet dealing with Christmas shoppers the last thing you want to hear after you close the door to your abode, pour yourself an eggnog, and switch on some soothing sounds is one of the following reminders of fingernails scratching a chalkboard.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Bottom Ten Worst Christmas Songs Ever.

10. “Ave Maria” performed by Barbara Striesand. If we were talking most annoying then Babs’ version of “Jingle Bells” is the clear winner. If you’ve ever heard it you’d agree with my assumption that she got hopped up beforehand on a pot of coffee, followed by a cup of sugar, and two or three ounces of coke and then had cattle prod performing a colonoscopy while she recorded the song. Instead we’re talking “worst” and for some reason I just can’t get over that whole Jewish lady doing a Catholic song thing. It’s like me doing a Briss on Ben. I have no business doing it and the recipient ends up in a whole lot of pain.

9. “Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney & Wings. If we only had to endure it just once each holiday season I could live with it. Instead it’s always the first Christmas song every radio station plays. We the listeners are then pummeled with one play of it every fifteen minutes from Halloween all the way into February. Programmers are simply having a psychotic Christmas time. By the way the song proves McCartney can fart and burp into a microphone and make a million dollars off of it. In fact what do think those first two sounds of the song are? A synthesizer?

8. “Silent Night” performed by Winger. I was there during the 1980s big hair band explosion and this was an even bigger embarrassment than any of Kip Winger’s original songs. What really makes this a noel bottom feeder is the video complete with spray-stenciled first names on the Santa hats. Just a word of advice: don’t watch this if you’ve recently eaten.

7. “All I Want for Christmas (Is You)” performed by Mariah Carey. Ever wondered what giving a kitten a coffee enema would sound like? All I want for Christmas is for the warbling diva of please-don’t-make-that-sound-again to be placed on The Island of Misfit Former Teenage Idols alongside Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Madonna, and Michael Jackson.

6. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” performed by Jackson 5. Speaking of His Highness of the Kingdom of Naked G.I. Joes, I’m wondering if this incident had anything to do with little Mike having a thing for taking baths with pre-pubertized pubescents. Seeing someone kissing Mrs. Jackson other than Mr. Jackson would certainly traumatize the kid but to the point of risking your career, reputation, and all of those millions of dollars? No, I’m guessing Michael saw something far worse. It wasn’t Santa kissing mommy. It was Tito!

5. “Dominick the Donkey” by Lou Monte. I’ll be honest and say that I’d never even heard of this song until The Curmudgeon mentioned it on his blog last Christmas. This past weekend I had the unfortunate experience of actually hearing about one of Santa’s little known helpers, the Italian donkey (as opposed to the Italian Stallion?).

Now I really need to be careful here. There’s a good chance Jimmy Hoffa knew about Dominick. What if Hoffa disrespected the Christmas ass? Word reached all the way to some guy that looks a lot uglier than Marlon Brando. Next thing you know Jimmy has a coin flipped above his head on autumn Sundays when the Giants or the Jets play at home. So instead of disparaging the song let’s just say it made The List.

I’m now imagining some Italian mafia-type in Jersey can’t truly experience the Christmas spirit without singing along with “bing-a-ding-a-ding, bing-a-ding-a-ding…hee-haw, hee-haw” every year.

“Hey Guido…there’s some idiot redneck down in Carolina making fun of Dominick!”
“No, boss! I say he’s got it com’n. Let me whack ‘em fo yooz, boss!”
“Yooz already ahead of me, Guido. Here’s the plane ticket. And buys you a new suit or sumtin for Jesus’ boitday. That Dominick, he cracks me up.”

4. “Last Christmas” performed by Wham!. Do you really need an explanation? The song has now been covered by Hillary Duff for cripes sakes.

3. “Do They Know It’s Christmas” performed by Band Aid. You know there’s nothing like visualizing starving children in Africa to get me into the holiday spirit. But that’s just me. And if it weren’t for the appearances of Bono, Boy George, George Michael, Sting, Phil Collins, Paul Young, and members of Duran Duran, Bananarama, Spandua Ballet, and Frankie Goes to Hollywood the song might not be so bad.

2.“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy. This could very easily fit into the number one slot but there is actually one other song that makes me want to claw my eardrums out of my head more than this one. There’s nothing worse than being at a pub where some drunk jackass thinks this needs to be played on the jukebox no less than 25 times. My guess is that he thought with each time it played it’d grow on us. It grew on us all right. Like a hemorrhoid the size of a grapefruit it grew on us. The guy finally got his ass kicked. When the cops showed up they arrested him…for disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. True story.

1. “The Christmas Shoes” by Newsong. Now before any of you nice Christian folk start preaching to me let me say that I’m a Christian as well. I follow (or at least try to most of the time) the Golden Rule, which really is one of The Ten Commandments: Love your neighbor as you’d love someone of your own family. Well first off I have some family members I don’t want the neighbors to know about and secondly, I wouldn’t even subject my enemies to such a waste of a studio effort. Sorry your mom’s dead, kid but I’m not going to squander my money on a pair of shoes that she ain’t taking with her to meet Jesus. If that idiot from Newsong wants to do so then by all means go for it. JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND DON’T MAKE THE REST OF US SUFFER THROUGH ANOTHER 4 MINUTES AND 55 SECONDS OF PAIN.